


Change

by Hey Future Fish (PoisonedDeath)



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Car Accidents, Grief/Mourning, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-28
Updated: 2016-06-28
Packaged: 2018-07-18 21:23:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7331152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PoisonedDeath/pseuds/Hey%20Future%20Fish
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Things are different now, Daichi guesses.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Change

**Author's Note:**

> aaahhh i'm so sorry for this! i love these two so much - i just also like writing angst ^^; 
> 
> please, come talk to me on [tumblr](http://hells-puppet.tumblr.com/)

Daichi wraps his arms around the man beside him, feeling the warmth radiating from his boyfriend's sleeping body. He knows that there's a barrier between them now; one that nothing can break down, but he's trying. It has only been three days, and already he's watched Koushi go from the kind, caring man he's always been, to a shell that's hardly able to speak. Daichi wishes he hadn't headed out late that night.

Suga's sleeping for the first time since that night, and Daichi knows that's only because he's passed out from the exhaustion. He doesn't think he's seen Suga eat, either, and although he very much doubts it, he hopes that the light-haired man ate during the brief time that Daichi was away. He can see the dried tear tracks on the sleeping man's cheeks and he wishes that he could help to ease Suga's suffering, but how can he? How can he erase what he's accidentally caused?

He can remember the accident - headlights coming toward him, no chance to get away, but trying to turn the wheel, trying to do something, anything. He knew. Before the car hit him, he knew it was over. He's not sure how he knew, but he did. In that moment of panic, all he could think of was _what about Suga?_

It sounds ridiculous, but he's not glad that he died on impact. If he hadn't, then maybe someone could have saved him somehow. Even if the outcome was the same, even if he still ended up miles away from Koushi despite being right beside him, then he wishes he could have felt the pain. He wants to have something that can allow him to comprehend the agony his boyfriend's feeling. Is Suga even his boyfriend anymore? Daichi wants to believe he is - if it had been the other way around, Suga would still be his. Suga would _always_ be his.

He's not ready for when Koushi wakes up. He's been trying to prepare himself for a while now, but he knows that he's going to witness the same thing. His boyfriend's going to make breakfast for two, and then leave it on the table and cry in the shower instead of eating. He's going to drift around like _he's_ the one that's a ghost, and then he'll go back to bed and stare holes into the ceiling. Daichi doesn't want to watch, but he can't bear to leave the man he loves. Daichi doesn't want to see Suga hurting so badly. He supposes that he'll always wish that he could turn back time.

It's hard to be dead, Daichi thinks, but it must be harder to lose someone. He's not sure, though - his emotions haven't been the same since he died - a response to trauma, perhaps? He's not sure. He doesn't know anything anymore. He doesn't understand any of this. He imagines that he's probably scared of fading away - he doesn't want Suga to truly be alone. Because, if he's still by Suga's side then, somehow, he'll be able to help, right? As long as he's with Suga, then Suga will be okay. Except Suga doesn't even know that Daichi's there, pressing his lips to his boyfriend's jaw, whispering sweet nothings in his ear, clutching him so tightly that, if he was still alive, Suga would be in pain.

Things are different now, Daichi guesses. He's not okay with it - he doesn't want to be dead - he had so much ahead of him. But he can grieve for himself later. As Suga begins to stir, Daichi inhales deeply - out of habit - and prepares himself for the day ahead. He'll stay by Suga's side all day, trying to find out a way of communicating - trying to show his boyfriend that he's still here, that he still loves him. Maybe it's selfish of him to want Koushi to be his forever, but that's what they'd always talked about. And right now, Suga needs Daichi. Daichi doesn't want to think about the inevitable time when Suga will move on. Right now, he's with Koushi, even if nobody else knows.

So, things are different now. But Daichi's going to find a way to help them both adjust. _Together._


End file.
